Why do I even bother?

For the past couple of Saturdays, I've gone ahead and come to school...only to get nothing done. Today seems to be no exception. I've been here for an hour and all I have to show for it is my whiteboard is all written up for Monday (with what we're doing, walk-in activities, word of the week, etc.) I never get anything done, so why do I persist in coming up here? Next Saturday, I need to just remind myself that if I drive all the way up here, I'm just going to mess around, not get anything done, and spend all Sunday doing it anyway, so I may as well sleep in and enjoy my Saturday. On the other hand, I do get to listen to Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! every Saturday....

I keep telling myself it's going to get easier, everyone else keeps telling me it's going to get easier...what I want to know is when is going to get easier???? I'm tired all the time, and I never get to see Sam, much less my friends and family. We rented a cute silly movie last night, and I was going to snuggle and give Sam some of the attention and non-school related conversation he so richly deserves...but I fell asleep after 20 minutes. I just wish I had a week off to slow down, take a deep breath, get well and truly planned and ready and organized, then we can start the next six weeks. Of course, I'm not doing any myself any favors by sitting around and whining, so I guess I'll just stop now. Love to all!

Update: it's now an hour later...guess how much I've accomplished? Not a damn thing. I looked up to discover I'd wasted an hour surfing blogs of other first-year teachers. Which makes me feel less alone, but not any less behind. I suck at this job.

I am having a horrible day

1. My dog died yesterday. Yes I knew it was coming, but I'm still really really bummed.

2. A minor issue in one of my classes yesterday has been blown way out of proportion by a prima donna student, getting another student in far more trouble than they deserve, and making me look really really bad.

3. I had to cancel the fun jeopardy review for one of my classes and give them a "sit down and shut up" type speech (but professional, of course), and send one of them to the office where he got a Saturday detention that he will undoubtedly blame me for and give me trouble about it for the next few days.

4. My after school meeting that I figured would take around 30 minutes is actually going to take about two hours, which means I have to cancel my plans to go bowling with Mike and Keri for Keri's birthday. It also means I have to go to the 7:30 AM faculty meeting tomorrow instead of the one this afternoon.

5. My paycheck had $700 worth of deductions! Is this normal? I guess I didn't know what to expect, never having had a decent salary before.

I want to go home and mope.

Note to self:

Cocina, is pronounced co-SEE-na, which is Spanish for kitchen. It is NOT pronounced co-CHEE-na, which is Spanish for a dirty girl, for example, a girl who sleeps around, who doesn't take care of herself, thinks or says something raunchy (thanks to urbandictionary.com). I did NOT eat dinner at Mi Cochina on Saturday, I had dinner at Mi Cocina. And it was good too.

I'm starting to hate Saturdays

I always say I'm going to go in on Saturday and get sooo much done. But once I get here, I usually don't get that much accomplished. What happens is, I think I have so much time, so I don't prioritize very well, or tell myself I'm going to start with things I can only do at school, which usually involves organizing or printing out large quantities of things, but is usually not that vital for the next week. Next thing I know, it's five o'clock and my classroom looks great, but I haven't gotten anything graded or even created as the case may be. Or I don't go at all, like last week. Either way, I end up staying up all night Sunday to finish everything I need to for Monday. Which is why I'm so tired all week, and is generally just a really bad idea. I'm not very good at this time management thing...The point of all this is, I'm fighting the little voice in my head that says "get out of here, and take it with you, you can do it just as well at home, besides, you have all day tomorrow," which I don't cause it's my BIRTHDAY!!!!! I'm going to lunch with my family. And now, for some fun facts about my birthday (from fun4birthdays.com, which sucks, so it doesn't get it's own link):

Famous People born on September 24th:
1936 Jim Henson (creator the "The Muppets") (I knew that one already, he's my hero!)
1941 Linda McCartney (photographer, singer)

On This Day In History:
1906 President Theodore Roosevelt declares Devil's Tower the first US National Monument. (This just reminds me of Close encounters of the third kind, which scares the piss out of me, given my fear of aliens)

24 September is also:
Independence Day (Guinea-Bissau)
Heritage Day (South Africa)
Republic Day (Trinidad and Tobago) (I think I should go celebrate with them....)

So, in conclusion, I am going home now, to join Sam and Chris at their IHOP study campout where I WILL get stuff done. I'm not allowed to go out for my birthday until I have written my review packet and graded half my classes. I can grade the other half tomorrow after lunch, as long as I don't put it off till 10PM like I have past weekends, it should work out...I can do that, that's reasonable... *sigh* I'm hopeless. But still going home.

Love to all!

Do you think it'll work?

...It would take a miracle. So, I'm going to the school musical tonight, and it's too far to go home first, so I was surfing/killing time halfway productively, looking for a primary care physician. Yes, I have health insurance now, yay! But the directory search for my insurance doesn't tell you squat about the doctors. So I thought, I'll look for the doctor first, then see if they're on my insurance. So I was trying to find a PCP with some experience in working with adult ADD, since it's my main health issue right now. Anyway, I found this: planner software made specifically for adult ADD. It sounds like it could be cheesy, or it could be GREAT...problem is, what kind of unorganized crazy ADD crack monkey (i.e., me) would ever manage to get the thing set up? I'm afraid I'd never ever use it, just like every other planner/calander I've ever tried to keep. I can't seem to use a planner that's more sophisticated than my current system: a forest of post-its, growing out of my desk like a fungus. Of course...it DOES come with a free trial..but it's a pay for it, then if you don't like it, you can give it back kind of trial. Hmmm.... Any thoughts? Of course, the obvious solution is to QUIT surfing, QUIT rambling on my blog, make a stupid Drs Appointment and renew my perscription. Gah. It's been a long week. Love to all!

If my kids sleep in class...

...Does that mean I'm allowed to? My body is vociferously demanding more sleep. How bad would it look if I snuck in a little nap while they're working on their group projects?
I'm just kidding, I would never do that...at least not on purpose ;) More to come, love to all.

My sister-in-law is right.

Benjamin left me this comment:

Amanda always says: work expands to fill the time alloted. That is, give yourself less time to work, and you'll probably find you still get the job done. This has limits, sure, but there's no reason you have to consistantly work seven days a week. It's unhealthy, it's ineffective, and it's a sin.

Y'all are so right! Shortly afer making Saturday's rather depressing post, I quit. No, not my job, I quit worrying about it so much! I quit freaking out over how much I had to do! I relaxed a little! And you know what? It's true. I'm still getting stuff done, I still have lessons planned and papers graded (well, I will by Friday anyway!). Although I must say, thank God for BrainPOP! Also, I had 11 parents show up for meet the teacher night at school, and several of the parents mentioned that their kids thought I was pretty good. Also, I got to observe some other teachers at the central high school who teach the same class as I do, and guess what? I'm doing a great job! At least on par with the more experienced teachers, and, pardon my ego, maybe a little better in some areas. It made me feel good. Anyway, there isn't a darn thing that I HAVE to do tonight, so even though I may regret it tomorrow night, I'm going to get as much done during my conference period as I can (well, after I finish wasting time writing in my blog...) and then I'm taking the night off. It's Project Runway night with Petra anyway. I've missed it the past two weeks, so damn it, I'm going tonight! I cheering for Kayne, even he is tacky. That's why I like him! YAY! Love to all!

P.S. I am now officially out of Adderall. Luckily, I don't have to be too focused to supervise long-term group projects. :)

How long does it take?

...before I quit living, breathing, eating, sleeping, and dreaming about school? Don't get me wrong, I like my job (no matter how often it makes me want to throw hands up in the air and quit, to run home and bury myself under the covers for at least two weeks before coming out for food...), but I miss my friends! I miss watching TV! I miss hanging out, and having some time to myself to think about something besides school. Sam noticed, he got a little upset the other weekend when we went out for dinner (finally!) and I spent like three hours straight talking about school. *sigh* But it's another Saturday, and where am I? At school. I promised myself I'd prioritize so that when I leave here today at five, I'll be done (or have enough done) that I can take tomorrow off and NOT think about school for a whole day. Fat chance. If I didn't love it so much I would've quit two weeks ago. Love to all! (and happy birthday to James!)